2012 is the year where I take charge of my life and get the most out of every minute. I am doing a lot of "me" work, trying to figure out how to be happy and healthy. I need to find a way to live a sustainable life without drowning in debt. I appreciate any guidance or wisdom. :)
This poor college grad needs all the help she can get!!
I haven’t posted on here in a while…it’s been a crazy busy summer. I finally found a reason to come back with some great news! I hit the 25lbs lost mark!! It’s been a long time coming but it feels great! Now that falls back, it’s time to regroup and get refocused. More success is yet to come! :)
It’s been a rough couple of weeks and I feel like a burden on those around me, so I feel like it is time for another blog. The month of April hated me. I had surgery to remove some sebaceous cysts on the 10th. While I was out healing, my employer decided that they could do without me and eliminated my position upon my return. I was blindsided and devestated. All I could do was sob. I bent over backwards to make myself useful to the company and they choose the minute I come back from surgery to hit me with “your last day is the 26th, your position has been eliminated.”
I didn’t sob because I loved my job. I sobbed because I would miss coming to work every day and being a part of something. I dearly loved everyone I worked with….except for the fact that not a one of them could do anything for me upon my return from surgery. Well I guess they did give me one thing….my lay off. That’s why I chose to abruptly end my employment, so they didn’t even have a chance of attempting some half assed shindig. I wanted nothing from the people I had given so much to.
I’m so screwed financially. I bought a new car in Novemeber and have student loans knocking down my door. My parents had a high expected family contribution so I have a lot of private loans that WILL NOT put my loans in deferement even though I lost my f***ing job. This economy is TERRRRRIBLE.
Besides being bombarded with all that, my body decides to revolt and give me shingles. For those who don’t know, Shingles is pretty much Chicken Pox to the max. It’s very painful, and causes a lot of burning and itching. It’s driving me absolutely insane. There isn’t a moment that goes by where I don’t want to cry or gnaw my arm off. It started off on my shoulder and has spread to my left upper back. It takes several weeks to go away and there is no cure but time. Please kill me now. I’m so over it.
Ok, I’m not suicidal but I’m getting to my wits end. Something has to go right in my life or I will do something drastic….like gnaw my arm off or buy a one way ticket with the 2 cents I have and never look back. I’ll go be a bum eating out of garbage cans in Hawaii. That seems pretty sweet. College grad can’t get a job to save her life resorts to eating out of garbage cans.
I know I’m being a total Debbie Downer but I have to get these kind of thoughts out becuse that is most likely why I got shingles in the first place. The chicken pox virus lays dormant in everyone who has had it just waiting for your immune system to get stressed and crash so it can rear it’s ugly head. And that’s what happened to me.
I feel like I am never good enough for this fricken job market. Everything remotely environmental requires 10 years of experience in the field. Unless you count “Environmental Technician”…which is a fancy way of saying janitor. Sorry, but I didn’t spend $50000 to get a Bachelor’s degree so I could be a janitor. All I want is the chance to prove that I am a hard worker. Just because I didn’t graduate with a high GPA doesn’t mean I am a horrible employee. I have a very good work ethic that I don’t see in many people these days. I’m amazed at the slackers that somehow get hired. I don’t know what I have to do to get a job. My mind is completely boggled. I guess I will have to keep plugging away, hoping any full-time tolerable position can come my way so I can be more financially secure. I was treading water with my bills while I was working, now I feel like my feet gave out. So much for health, wealth and happiness. Wallet woes lead to bad eating habits…leads to a very unhappy Katie.
Somehow, I will get through this. Somehow.
I had a weird out of body experience this morning. Well, not really, but I can’t figure out how else to put it. As I was getting ready for work today, I was looking in the mirror and it hit me: I actually like the person I saw! Feels great to start liking what you see and realizing that I am beautiful. I deserve happiness. I deserve good things in life. Maybe someday I’ll finally be able to believe the compliments that come my way, I’m getting closer. :)
20.4 pounds down, 20.5 inches GONE! Holy moly that’s cool! :) Just thought I’d share a little positive news that brightened my morning.
Hooray! I’ve officially lost 17.6 lbs and 17.5 inches since Labor Day! I have been quite disheartened by the scale. It’s haunted me all my life. I finally got confirmation from my mom that I’m not looking flabby anymore! Another score. The fact that I’ve lost as many inches as pounds is what keeps me motivated. I’m glad I started measuring because it’s a good way to see progress, even if the scale doesn’t show it. I’m living proof that you can go on one night of drinking and still lose weight (I lost 0.8 lbs this week, but it’s still a decrease and going in the right direction). Ha, the day after our drinking shenanigans I woke up 5 pounds lighter (and no, I did not vomit thanks). I know this is not always going to occur but it’s nice to be able to do it and still have positive results! :)
I’m very excited to be nearing my 10% Goal and my previous starting weight on a prior program!